NaNoWriMo — Ways To Be More Centered

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Some are though, let’s be real

Yup, I’m doing NaNoWriMo for the first time ever this month, and I’m excited to see how long a garbage draft I can pump out! Here’s a list my main character, flailing life coach Max (nee Maxine), has written to herself in chapter two of my satire/humor novel, “The Universe Strikes Back.”

WAYS TO BE MORE CENTERED

Remember: take deep breaths

Add “take deep breaths” as a repeating item in Trello and check it off each day successfully completed

Try to get at least 30 days in a row in order to form the habit of taking deep breaths so no longer have to have it as a repeating daily Trello item

Don’t look at the Instagram of other people who do the same thing you do except much better and for much more profit

Especially don’t look when feeling sad, inadequate, or massively intoxicated on vinho verde wine from Trader Joe’s

Absolutely do not print out copies of other people’s affirmations to use as jumping off points for your own affirmations

Don’t forget: plagiarizing affirmations negates their power

Think of affirmations like Ibuprofen and only consume a maximum of 32 per day

Stop buying journaling notebooks until you’ve journaled through all the ones you already have

Try to go on a process of self discovery and deep insight while journaling rather than fixating on that one time you didn’t know Maria’s girlfriend’s name but she knew yours and the ensuing shame spiral that caused

Make less lists

Force self via any means necessary to do things on preexisting lists before allowing more lists to be made

Stop flagellating self for failure to complete lists in their entirety and in chronological order while also attempting to build success and happiness in personal brand and personal life

Laugh more I guess

Written by

Satirist and pizza scientist. Co-founder of The Belladonna + Satire and Humor Festival. Buy my book “New Erotica for Feminists” here! https://amzn.to/2HnQf8m

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