As a Member of the Institutional Investor Class, You Must Cease and Desist This Violent Trading Against My Bank Account

This game must stop!

Caitlin Kunkel
3 min readJan 29, 2021
stonks

“On Wall Street, individual investors are often derided as “dumb money,” destined to lose against the highly compensated analysts and traders who buy and sell stocks for a living. But in recent days, individual investors — many of them followers of a popular, juvenile, foul-mouthed Reddit page called Wall Street Bets — have upended that narrative by banding together to put the squeeze on at least two hedge funds that had bet that GameStop’s shares would fall.”The New York Times, January 27, 2021

“It’s just a way of attacking wealthy people. It’s inappropriate and we all gotta work together and pull together.” Billionaire Leon Cooperman

Look here, you average Joes and Josephinas — I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but this brutal attack upon my short positions simply will not stand. Not in the polite, decent American financial systems that I have tirelessly engineered for my own benefit!

Do you even hear the cries of my several Ivy-League-Educated adult children, now vulnerable and exposed hedge fund owners of their own? How can you shut your eyes to their bleeding bank accounts, their hemorrhaging third homes, their…

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Caitlin Kunkel

Satirist + pizza scientist. Co-founder of The Belladonna. Sign up for my newsletter, Input/Ouput: https://inputandoutput.substack.com/